she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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