Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
