a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
