I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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