Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
