we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
