She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
