Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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