k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
