i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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