well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
