I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
