No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize