I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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