how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
