I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
