Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
