I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
