I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
