I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just crazy horny about you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
