my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
