I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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