3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
