found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
