if i can run in heels then i can drive
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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