While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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