just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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