I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
