the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
