im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
