and you said cock pushups were impossible
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
