I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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