you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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