Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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