she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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