...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
