hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
