guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
