Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
