Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
