Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
