so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
