saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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