i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
false alarm, still single
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
