I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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