I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
