I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Small penises have feelings too.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
