We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
