all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
