Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize