oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
