Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
