im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
