So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
