Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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