ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
