I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
