I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
