we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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