Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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