my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
