I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
