She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
