It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
