Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
