I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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