1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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