I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
