Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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