You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
