I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize