guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
