two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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