I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
