I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
